well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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