I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
