Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
