he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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