i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
