saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Use "feeling words"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site