I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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