I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
