she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
