Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
