do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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