and next time when you feel me up, do it right
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
