she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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