Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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