i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
