Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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