Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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