mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
