Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
