What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I touched a dick in church today
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
