Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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