I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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