you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
