alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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