the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
