I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
