sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
