You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We need to get me chipped asap
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
