Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
