It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Is Oprah even human
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
