I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
