Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
