Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
