Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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