Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
