Sorry, I don't speak sober.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
