How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
