The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They have beer where we have blood.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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