he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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