I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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