my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
