I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
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I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
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He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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