he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
