Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
