I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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