if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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