Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
