Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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