Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
