At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
