i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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