I just cut my nipple shaving
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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