mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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