So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
