Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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