I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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