But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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