My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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