the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
