drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
