I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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