apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
