i need an iv and a liver transplant
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
