3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
