I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
