i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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