all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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