Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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